Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
