so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize