it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
