Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think my mom watched the whole time
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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