Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
