this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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