The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
