blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
