are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize