I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
