Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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