i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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