This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
