dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
