How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
