so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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