Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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