I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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