I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
