Got a toothbrush?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
