Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
