I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
