One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
