There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You ruined the universe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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