My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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