oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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