You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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