I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
