are you so shy because you have an std?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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