Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize