Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
