There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
