Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
