I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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