All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
