Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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