You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
