his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
