Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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