in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
