so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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