its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
