Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
