oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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