3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
