By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
