Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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