This is not my ceiling
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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