He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
