your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
