morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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