I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
