There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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