omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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