Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
