So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
