I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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