Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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