Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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