whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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