I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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