My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
