I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
