you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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