i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
