you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
