I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
