Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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