just come out here and I will go home with you...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
