I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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