Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
