Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
