Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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